I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize