I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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