My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
