She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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