Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
