hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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