You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
