How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
