i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
