Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
