does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
