Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
