At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize