the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
