People with herpes should wear stickers.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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