Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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