and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
