is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
