why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
