How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
