4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
please don't ironically join a cult
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