I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
