we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
