Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
