Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
