I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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