I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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