Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
