he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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