i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
