I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize