im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
