ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
