dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
