ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
