It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
