You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
another moral hangover. fuck.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
