my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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