I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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