i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
