i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
