fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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