Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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