Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
