I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
