I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
