Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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