i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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