so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
