I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
