I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
