Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
