So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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