What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
