ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize