Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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