Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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