There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
