do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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