No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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