then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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