you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it's like iHOP with fire
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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