winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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