Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
