the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
