She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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