dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize