Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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