I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Boobs are out for the taking
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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