The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
