Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My vagina just recognized that song.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
