Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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