you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
